One Damned Funny Blog

Love, laughter and autism.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

The Chelation Rap

The Chelation Rap*

*(The needles in the song refer to vaccinations, which put mercury into the body--or used to, until it was outlawed--and theoretically could be one cause of autism. Chelation is a very controversial method of trying to leach these heavy metals from the body. So we're trying it, of course. Because we're desperate. And because we HATE ever having money.)

Gotta stick the kid, yeah, gotta stick the kid
Gotta stick the kid, yeah, gotta stick the kid

My baby-daddy tells me,
Don't you let that kid get sick
Gotta take him to the doctor,
Gotta let him get the stick

Man, it's just a little needle
It can't do the kid no harm
Let 'em put it in his heiney,
Let 'em put it in his arm

Gotta stick the kid, yeah, gotta stick the kid
Gotta stick the kid, yeah, gotta stick the kid

So I dragged my ho ass over
And I laid the kid all out
And the doctor she done stuck him,
And he gave this pissy shout

But she said, "Don't you no never-mind,
They always scream that way,
It don't mean nothin', baby,
Now go to the front and pay."

Gotta stick the kid, yeah, gotta stick the kid
Gotta stick the kid, yeah, gotta stick the kid

Well the kid, he grew up bigger
And he sat and crept and walked
And he ate the fuckin' fridge up
But he never learned to talk

And we went back to the doctor
And I said, "I think he sick."
And she said, "Don't you go blamin',
You AGREED to get the stick."

Gotta stick the kid, yeah, gotta stick the kid
Gotta stick the kid, yeah, gotta stick the kid

Well the bitch, she wasn't lyin',
'Cause I let them give the shots,
And now he's an autistic,
And his future ain't so hot.

But we found ANOTHER doctor,
He'll chelate the baby's head,
And he'll fix all up that baby,
It'll work...that's what he said.

Gotta stick the kid, yeah, gotta stick the kid
Gotta stick the kid, yeah, gotta stick the kid

But we keepin' it on the down-low
'Cause our fam'lies, they'd all freak,
But we'd do just fuckin' ANYTHING
to get that kid to speak.

So we goin' for chelation
We spendin' every dime
And we prayin' it'll work out,
It'll work out good this time.

Nevah stick the kid, nope, nevah stick the kid
You know what's good for you, bitch, you will nevah stick the kid

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

<< Home