Go to hell, Mickey Mouse! (7.19.06)
Okay, am I pure evil? I HATE Mickey Mouse.
Everybody loves Mickey. Everybody. And the whole Disney-fantasy-thingie. So why don't I?
God that mouse just grates on my every last nerve.
My children are watching The Mickey Mouse Clubhouse on Playhouse Disney right now. Everything in that show is Mousker-fucking-something. "What's wrong, Goofy? You say Little Bo Peep has lost her sheep? Get the Mousker-binoculars! We'll locate the sheep and then reel it in with my special Mousker-fishing rod!"
The problem solving skills of this group are also infuriating. I mean holy heck. You've gotta be kidding me. "Uh-Mousker-oh, Mousketeers. We need water to make our special Mousker-punch...but the Mousker-faucet isn't working! I know. We'll glue together eighty-nine straws, attach the last straw to a bird, and have the bird fly off to the pond in the forest and stick the end in. Then we'll suck on this end to get water going and...Mousker-voila!"
You're Mousker-fuckin' kidding me.
I don't get it. I don't get the whole "we all love Mickey Mouse!" thing. Ugh. Mousker-fuck off.
I will close with this Disney joke:
Mickey wants to divorce Minnie, so he goes to his lawyer. The lawyer listens to Mickey's story, then says, "Mickey, I don't often say this, but I would hate to see a divorce in this case. You two were made for one another. I mean just because Minnie's a little crazy..."
"I didn't say she's a little crazy," Mickey interrupts. "I said she's fucking Goofy!"
(p.s. I have broken my own record for "Most Uses of the Word 'Fuck' in a Blog Entry". And what prompted it? A cute little cartoon animal, beloved the world-'round since 19-freaking-30. God I need help.)